Interview with Merry
by LissewenLuinWilwarin
Summary: Interviews with various characters from LOTR. Just something I did for an English free-write.
1. Interview with Merry

Interview with Meriadoc Brandybuck:

Merry, what do you consider to be your greatest accomplishment?

That would have to be when I ate all of Bilbo's birthday cake all by myself and without any help.

Don't you mean when you stabbed the Witch-King so Eowyn could kill him?

Oh...yeah...that too.

Uh, has it that you are dating Estella Bolger. What do you have to say about that?

Yeah, we're going out. She's a wonderful hobbit. I love her almost as much as I love ale, and that's saying something!

Right...so, what do you like most about her?

She's a terrific cook!

Ok...ummm...how do you feel about Aragorn being King of Gondor?

Aragorn's King??? When did that happen????

Uh...about a year ago...weren't you at the coronation at Minas Tirith?

Oh! You mean that place in the mountain where they had that great party with lots of food and ale?

Uh...yeah.

And they really made Aragorn King? I was too busy raiding the kitchen to pay much attention!

Right...ok...uhhh...How do you feel about Frodo Baggins leaving for the undying lands?

He went to the undying lands???

I thought he was going to get a pizza.

That would explain why he gave me a weird look when I told him, "extra mushrooms and no anchovies."

I was wondering why it would take Frodo so long just to get a pizza.

...uh...right...

Oh! Look! It's time for second breakfast! I have to go now! Bye!

Uh...bye...

Hope you liked it! Review and let me know what you think! Namarie!


	2. Interview with Boromir

Interview with Boromir:

So, Boromir, what do you think is your greatest accomplishment?

Uh, I dunno. I don't really have one. Well, I guess that coming back from the dead might count, so, yeah, that. How did I come back from the dead, anyway??

What was it like being dead?

How should I know???

Um, Boromir, you were dead. You got killed by orcs.

I did??? Oh yeah, I did. What was the question again?

Uhhh...how did it feel being dead?

How should I know???

Oh yeah, I was dead. Um, it kinda tingles. I think. What were we talking about?

Ummm...Boromir?

Boromir??? He's dead!!! Where have you been? Under a rock? Geez, lady...oh wait...I'm Boromir...ooops!

Uh, ok, new topic. How do you feel about Aragorn being the King of Gondor?

Why does everyone have to keep reminding me??? Aragorn's the King. You're not the King. You're not even the Steward. Aragorn's the King and you're not! You're just the Steward's un-dead big brother!

Uh, sorry...so, how do you feel about King Elessar decreeing that September 22 is National Hobbit Day?

Hobbits! I hate hobbits! That stupid little halfling convinced the council to give him the ring just so I couldn't have it! It should have been mine! I could have been the ruler of Middle Earth, but nooo, the stupid little hobbit took the ring...

That's all the time we have today!

Stupid hobbits!

A/N: I think dying had some weird effects on Boromir :-P


	3. Interview with Eowyn

Interview with Eowyn:

So, Eowyn, what do you consider to be your greatest achievement?

That would be when I stabbed the Witch-King. That was so awesome! They all said that I couldn't fight, that I was just a silly girl, but I showed them! I dressed up as a silly boy with a horse and a stick, and I killed the Witch-King!

It's called a lance, hello?

Yeah right...lance...I knew that.

Anyway, what do you think of King Elessar's marriage to Arwen?

_She shrieks_ Why did you bring that up? Why? Why can't everyone just stop talking about Arwen? Arwen's so pretty! Arwen's an elf! Arwen can cook! I'll have you know I cook just fine thank you!

Uh, right...moving on, how does it feel to be married to Faramir? Did you ever imagine something like that would happen?

Well, I love my husband with all my heart. He's a great guy. _she mumbles_ even if he isn't a king.

You must be very proud of your brother. Do you have any comments on his marriage or his rule of Rohan?

Yeah, why does Rohan have to be ruled by a king? Why can't a woman rule Rohan? Why not me? It is so not fair!

Has anyone ever told you that you have serious power issues?

Shut up!

Well, that's all for now! Bye!

A/N: The silly boy with a horse and a stick part is from Knight's Tale. Sorry 'bout that, I couldn't help it.


	4. Interview with Frodo

Interview with Frodo Baggins:

So, Frodo, what's it like living in Valinor?

Well, it's really beautiful and everything, but it's kinda boring. Nobody to talk to but elves. Have you ever tried to have a conversation with an elf?

Uh, not really.

They're always talking in riddles, and all they ever wanna talk about is stars and trees and dumb stuff like that! Stupid elves! Who talked me into coming here anyways?

Um, I dunno. So, what was the worst part of the quest to destroy the one ring?

Stupid Gollum biting off my finger. Now everyone calls me nine-fingered Frodo. What's up with that? Why couldn't I get a cool name? Strider got a cool name, and he didn't save all Middle Earth. I did! Everyone calls Strider King Elessar. How cool is that? You would think I would get a cool name because I destroyed the Ring of Power, but noooooooo, everyone calls me nine-fingered Frodo!!! _he looks up_ AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

What??? What is it??? _I look around anxiously_

A . . . sp-sp-p-spider

_I look at the wall_ Oh, come on, you're freaking out over a tiny spider? I could understand if it was a tarantula or something, but that has got to be the tiniest spider I've ever seen! And you're screaming about it???

I HATE SPIDERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! _he hides behind his chair_ Would you squish it _he looks at me with those big blue eyes_ Please?

Oh, all right. _I take off my shoe and whack the spider with it_ There! It's dead now.

Thank you.

I still say you're being a big baby.

Don't tell anybody I'm arachnophobic....please? _he gives me the big blue puppy dog eyes again_

Don't worry, I won't. _I chuckle evilly_ That's all for now folks!

AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! Everyone heard that?!?!?!?!?

MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A/N: I'm so mean :-D


	5. Interview with Legolas

Interview with Legolas:

So, Legolas, what did you like least about being part of the Fellowship?

Always chasing filthy, smelly orcs, and having to listen to Gimli whine because he can't run as fast as Aragorn and me.

I heard that Gimli won the contest you two had at Helm's Deep.

By one orc! One bleeping Orc!!!! Now, he never shuts up about it! It's enough to drive an elf mad!

_I mumble_ you already are

I AM NOT!!! I am perfectly sane!!! I am always calm and collected!!! How dare you imply that I'm not!!!

Uh-huh, sure.

Anyways, elves have good hearing so its unwise to mumble around them. _he glares at me_

I'll try to remember that. So, how old are you anyway?

I am 672! That stupid Peter Jackson said I was 2931! How messed up is that?!?! Where did he get that??? Do I seem like I'm that old? NO! Ada's always yelling at me to act more mature, telling me I'm just an elfling! I am not an elfling, but I AM NOT 2931!!!!!!

Right! Well, PJ had issues. He killed Haldir.

What?!?! What kind of sick person would kill a nice guy like Hal???

I have no idea. So, did you ever meet Gollum while he was in Mirkwood?

Ahem I might have _he mumbles unintelligably_

Uh, what did you say? I missed that last part.

I said STUPID GOLLUM! OK?!?!

Uh. . .

Stupid Gollum escaped, and it wasn't my fault! How was I supposed to know that he would climb the tree and not come back down? It wasn't my fault! Got it???

Uh. . .ok.

he storms off

Um. . .bye.

A/N: I read a very convincing article thingy saying Legolas was somewhere around 500-800 years old. 672 is a random number I came up with. For some reason I couldn't write about Legolas without him having serious anger problems. Sorry!

A/N: Stupid won't let me use asterisks!!!! I'm really ticked off!


	6. Interview with Pippin

Interview with Pippin:

So, Pippin, how did it feel to help Eowyn kill the Witch-King?

I didn't do that. That was Merry. I'm Pippin.

Right, so you were the one that took the ring to Mordor?

No! That was Frodo! I'M PIPPIN!

Right, so you must have been the one that went to Mordor with Frodo.

NO! NO! NO! THAT WAS SAM!!! I'M PIPPIN! Why can't anyone remember that?!?!

Sorry. So what did you do anyways?

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That's alright, calm down Bilbo.

PIPPIN!!! P-I-P-P-I-N!!! PEREGRIN TOOK!!! PIPPIN SON OF PALADIN!!! P-I-P-P-I-N!!!!

Uh, right. Ooohhhh, I remember you. You were the one who kept getting on Gandalf's nerves.

Yes, thank you.

So, why did you play with the skeleton and make it fall into the well anyway?

I dunno.

Ok, so why did you look in the palantir?

I dunno. I was curious. It was pretty and shiny.

_I dangle a silver ring in front of his face_

Oooooooh! Pretty! _he tries to grab it_

_I snatch the ring back_ I can see why nobody trusted you to take the ring to Mordor.

Where?

Never mind.

Ok. Bye.

Bye!

A/N: I hate not being able to use asterisks! Everyone always gets Pippin mixed up with the other hobbits, so I thought I'd use it.

**Chpip:** **Thanks for the reviews! Yeah, Merry rocks, but Pippin rocks more! I love your randomness. I have a problem with liking to make sense. I dunno what's wrong with me lol!**

**Henry Plantagenet: Thanks for the review! I'll probably update this story on COE first. It would be cool if you would read Pippin in My Cupboard? and tell me what you think. Namarie!**


	7. Interview with Elrond

Elrond, did you actually do anything important besides putting together the fellowship?

Of course I did!

Ok, what?

Well, umm...uh...I dunno...

So, other than the council, you just another unimportant background elf?

Well...uh, yeah...I guess..._pouts_

Why did you name the council after yourself...I mean The Council of Elrond, that sounds kinda lame.

It does not! I'm important too!

Uh...you really aren't.

Yes, I am! Just because I'm pretty much in only one chapter, that doesn't mean I'm not important!

Ever heard of a thing called denial?

_turns purple with rage_

Purple really isn't your color.

Yes it is! I look good in purple!

No, you look like an eggplant.

_shrieks_

Hey, you should ask Sauron if you can be a Nazgul! You shriek great!

_turns purple while trying not to shriek_

You really need to learn how to take a compliment... Has anybody ever told you that purple is not your color?

_shrieks_

Hey, are you wearing Arwen's dress?

No! This is my robe!

It looks like Arwen's dress to me. Is that a tiara?

_shrieks and runs out the door_

Ok, bye... He'd make a really great Nazgul.

**A/N: Sorry that this isn't the greatest interview. I wrote it during church with Emily's help.  
Many thanks to Cassie Claire for pointing out that Elrond looks like an eggplant in Arwen's purple dress!**


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